Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Evangelion 3.0: あすかばあちゃん かわいいです~~~ (2012)

Is Evangelion 3.0 the new Citizen Kane (1941)? Perhaps. While I won’t go into the details of Kane’s connection with Japanese leather philosophy, it is clear that badass robot pilot Shinji Ikari, who has to be 60+ years old in this installment but looks 14 thanks to magic pink slime, is the embodiment of post-apocalyptic robot power fantasy.

I am a big believer in blind devotion to popular anime brands. This isn’t a bad movie, because it’s a Neon Genesis Evangelion movie. Don’t stop the series now! Give me more!


I love you Anno-sempai! Feed me more anime please!

As mentioned, the characters are now senior citizens, which is awesome because you can never finish the fight for liberty and justice in a world gone mad. That is some serious dedication. On top of that, this film has twice the awesome robot battles and none of the boring character development of previous films, which is awesome!

Who needs the faux-reluctant closeness of the characters, the motherly connection of the robots, tragic sacrifices, and all that bullshit? This movie has bigger robot battles than any other anime, which makes this the best anime ever! Every previous anime looks like garbage in comparison to this masterpiece of cinema.

My favorite part was when the big robot came out and started fighting the other big robot. I like the part where the big evil robot broke and went into the water. I was PUMPED!

I also liked the part where Asuka was a pirate and said that pink slime is good for skin. I will remember that when I am 80 years old and going to die. Thank you Asuka-chama. You have saved my life.

I have been told by my assistant that the pink slime is called LCL, which may or may not stand for Life Continuation Liquid. This makes sense because all of the characters’ lives have been continued beyond reasonable plausibility, stretching the narrative threads of the series to the breaking point, which is awesome.

There are a lot of naysayers in the Neon Genesis Evangelion fan club, so I have to give this one a neutral rating to avoid a shitstorm, despite my glowing admiration for the masterpiece that is the third installment in this remake tetralogy. Shut up haters. Just know that I believed in this film when nobody else did, and I would never misrepresent that.

I can’t wait for part 4!