Saturday, May 2, 2020

Eragon (2006)

I try to avoid talking about over-hyped films, not because I hate those films but because the conversation there is overcrowded. A couple of masterpieces came out last year that I won’t talk about for that reason. For other reasons, I don’t have much to talk about with the films of this year. I can talk about the politics of the situation, but not the films because I haven’t seen any.

So let’s go back a few years to a film that I inevitably must tear into sooner or later. I have genuine difficulty saying negative things about films due to my appreciation of the medium, and I only really hate the ones that are both terrible and profitable. Eragon was fraud on a grand scale.

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Thursday, March 26, 2020

World War Z (2013)

I have a background in film, and was assisting with a streaming pilot before quarantine regulations put it on hold. We joked about Coronavirus on set, but nobody thought it would be treated as a pandemic. As a result, I have more time to put much-needed work into my indie game.

What I’m trying to say is that pandemics aren’t all that bad. I know it’s a different story for someone pissing blood in the hospital (no offense to those who get off on the insertion of foreign objects; just making a point), but I’m a naturally healthy and socially isolated individual, so pandemics don’t affect me as much. But in the movies, it’s always the end of the world for everyone.

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Thursday, October 24, 2019

Batman and Robin (1997)

When I was in high school, I watched Batman and Robin instead of spending time with my mother when she needed it the most, and I will never live it down. When the ice skates came out, I wanted to kill myself.

This is the only movie I have ever felt guilty about watching, and it is not a guilty pleasure. Every childish scene is a slap in the face. It wastes your time. The Adam West Batman show had all-ages appeal. This is not that. This is shit. This is a reminder that comic book movies are shit and only reinforce the worst parts of American culture.

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