Saturday, June 12, 2021

Without Remorse (2021)

“”"Tom Clancy’s”"” Without Remorse is a mindless action movie that manages to be simultaneously politically correct and frustrating to watch. There are no bad guys and no real enemies, the whole movie is an anticlimax, and the producers had the gall to leave it open for a sequel.

My favorite part of the movie was the gunshot sounds. The silencers sounded realistic, and the M16s and Russian rifles sounded distinct. For some reason the silencers were louder than the non-silenced weapons, and sometimes the gunfire was muted entirely in favor of dramatic music. Those three sound effects were pretty decent. There were also punching and exploding sounds. If you like noise, you’re in for a treat.

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Tuesday, May 18, 2021

The Adderall Diaries (2015)

I can hardly fault Hans Reiser for what is a common, almost mundane crime. I can fault the filmmakers for missing the opportunity for a crazy Christian Slater performance. Slater is at least 15 years ahead of Nicolas Cage in terms of career decay, despite them being the same age. When Slater gives a fuck his performance can reach the edge of Cage, but that did not happen here. The worst thing a movie can be is boring, and due to bad casting and bad writing, this movie stinks like a corpse.

It could have been due to fear of lawsuits or plain old apathy. It’s less like a rogue journalist reporting on the OJ trial and more like James Franco writing for a college newspaper.

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Thursday, April 22, 2021

After Earth (2013)

No.

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Saturday, December 12, 2020

Mortal Engines (2018)

It’s based on a book, but there’s nothing literary about the end product. It’s a political metaphor, but the metaphor falls apart whenever something has to blow up. There are some great visuals, but after two hours you won’t care. Without a proper story, none of it matters.

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Friday, May 8, 2020

Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie (2014)

The title is terrible, and the source material is about as niche as it gets. I won’t deny that I am a fan of the source material, nor will I deny that I volunteered on the film’s massive VFX team. I found that environment overly formal and pretentious, like we were supposed to be making a real movie. I won’t assign blame to the VFX supervisor, who was only doing what he felt was best for his own career and the visual professionalism of the film.

But that’s the problem, isn’t it? AVGN was never Hollywood. It was a postmodernist gross-out series that made juvenile jabs at old video games, and that’s what everybody loved. Try to dress that up in a fresh coat of paint and you get something false.

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