Monday, December 19, 2022
Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)
As far as I’m concerned, an Avatar movie does not need to be 3+ hours long. This one treats the audience to the best VFX yet seen in a major motion picture. It’s 90 minutes of anti-war VFX, 90 minutes of anti-whaling VFX, and a few minutes in the part of a screenplay called “resolution” to tie up loose ends.
I don’t see the point of these big dumb Hollywood blockbusters. If this were 30 minutes shorter and had more than a dozen non-VFX shots, I might recommend it.
Saturday, May 2, 2020
Eragon (2006)
I try to avoid talking about over-hyped films, not because I hate those films but because the conversation there is overcrowded. A couple of masterpieces came out last year that I won’t talk about for that reason. For other reasons, I don’t have much to talk about with the films of this year. I can talk about the politics of the situation, but not the films because I haven’t seen any.
So let’s go back a few years to a film that I inevitably must tear into sooner or later. I have genuine difficulty saying negative things about films due to my appreciation of the medium, and I only really hate the ones that are both terrible and profitable. Eragon was fraud on a grand scale.
Thursday, March 26, 2020
World War Z (2013)
I have a background in film, and was assisting with a streaming pilot before quarantine regulations put it on hold. We joked about Coronavirus on set, but nobody thought it would be treated as a pandemic. As a result, I have more time to put much-needed work into my indie game.
What I’m trying to say is that pandemics aren’t all that bad. I know it’s a different story for someone pissing blood in the hospital (no offense to those who get off on the insertion of foreign objects; just making a point), but I’m a naturally healthy and socially isolated individual, so pandemics don’t affect me as much. But in the movies, it’s always the end of the world for everyone.
Thursday, October 24, 2019
Batman and Robin (1997)
When I was in high school, I watched Batman and Robin instead of spending time with my mother when she needed it the most, and I will never live it down. When the ice skates came out, I wanted to kill myself.
This is the only movie I have ever felt guilty about watching, and it is not a guilty pleasure. Every childish scene is a slap in the face. It wastes your time. The Adam West Batman show had all-ages appeal. This is not that. This is shit. This is a reminder that comic book movies are shit and only reinforce the worst parts of American culture.