Thursday, October 24, 2019

Batman and Robin (1997)

When I was in high school, I watched Batman and Robin instead of spending time with my mother when she needed it the most, and I will never live it down. When the ice skates came out, I wanted to kill myself.

This is the only movie I have ever felt guilty about watching, and it is not a guilty pleasure. Every childish scene is a slap in the face. It wastes your time. The Adam West Batman show had all-ages appeal. This is not that. This is shit. This is a reminder that comic book movies are shit and only reinforce the worst parts of American culture.

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Tuesday, September 10, 2019

The Hunt for Red October (1990)

Amazon founder and space entrepreneur Jeff Bezos recently tweeted about the upcoming second season of Jack Ryan. Jeff is a pretty cool guy; I like what he does and it’s always interesting to hear him speak. Amazon has also nailed the CIA subgenre with Patriot, one of the best shows on streaming. But Jack Ryan? Give me a break.

The filmmakers behind Jack Ryan have strayed far from their roots; The Hunt for Red October is about solving mysteries and making peace rather than blowing shit up. Rather than Jim from The Office, it stars a (relatively) young Alec Baldwin. It’s a sharper and more masterful film than every subsequent work that has beared the Jack Ryan name.

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Thursday, September 5, 2019

Angel Has Fallen (2019)

I saw Olympus Has Fallen (2013) with my father, I skipped London Has Fallen (2016), and I saw Angel Has Fallen with a friend. The third installment is full of references that most people over 40 would get. There were some chuckles in the mostly-empty theater. A bunch of things went boom.

The only thing that impressed me more than the action scenes was how little the film tried to be different or original. Ignoring the latest superhero crossover crap, this is cinema at its most mainstream. Eh, it’s not bad.

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Monday, August 19, 2019

The Machine (2013)

Still reeling from the catastrophe that was Alita: Battle Angel, I decided to revisit a festival darling from 2013. Like Alita, The Machine stars a sexy robochick, and like Chappie, it pulls no punches. Unlike Alita and Chappie, this movie doesn’t suck.

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Thursday, August 15, 2019

A Perfect Getaway (2009)

A certain auteur has made so many masterpieces, none of them particularly obscure, that it’s hard to pick just one to cover. The choice was made for me when Adam Nayman posted a 10-year anniversary retrospective of David Twohy’s A Perfect Getaway. They don’t make ‘em like they used to, and this twister of an action thriller certainly helps one to appreciate the good old days.

Warning: This review contains spoilers.

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